Things are hard today. or I should say harder. It seems that my writing yesterday opened the can of insecurity worms which have been slipping their way into my mind today. This sucks, cause all I want to do is lay in bed reading with some wine, when I have responsibilities and things that I need to get done. I have spent the majority of my life allowing myself to run from all these feelings of insecurity and not being worthy of love. Well I am stopping it now. I will not run, I will face it, I will be "she who stands with fists". Insecurity I will battle you. I will knock you down and not let you rule me anymore.
Yes I am afraid I am losing my boyfriend AND YES THIS IS MY INSECURITY TALKING. Do I really believe in the truth behind it, NO!!! He has not left yet, and has had many chances to, and too be honest, I don't think he will leave, ever. So where does this leave me? It leaves me with having a weekend to spend some time relaxing and working on things at home. It leaves me learning how to trust that I am his family and the woman he wants to share his life with. It leaves me with learning how to live in an open relationship without being competitive. It leaves me growing, changing, and becoming authentic, and real. It leaves me being open to being hurt, but also open to being loved. It leaves me open and secure in (at least for right now) that giving my insecurity and my fears voices, and understanding, I will learn that I don't need to have them rule over me anymore.
And all of this leads me to loving fully and loving completely who I am as a woman, and allowing others to love me.
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